Veterans Day

I have always been an emotional wreck. Pretty much about everything, but particularly when it comes to thinking about the price that's been paid for our freedoms. I've always been proud to say our National Anthem, always loved celebrating the 4th of July, and of course, always gotten teary eyed during, "God Bless the U.S.A." (yeah, I'm that bad). But even though I've always been this way, in the past two and a half years since I've been dating (and married to) Brig, my emotions on the subject have increased exponentially. Today especially, I am feeling particularly emotional, so I guess I just want to take a minute and write down some of my feelings.

This is my sweet, sweet husband in Afghanistan. Brig served in the 82nd Airborne Division of the Army for 3 1/2 years and was deployed to Afghanistan for nearly 15 months.
I know now that I really had no idea. I didn't know what things were really like for our soldiers, and I didn't know what it was like for their families. I mean, you always think from an outsiders perspective about how awful it would be to have to say goodbye to someone you love so much, not knowing if they were ever going to come back. But I found out you really don't know until you have to do it. Lucky for me I never had to. But his family did. His poor, sweet mother had to let him go knowing that all she could do was pray that our Heavenly Father would keep him safe. I wasn't around then. I didn't have to see their sacrifice, and I didn't have to make one. So I didn't know. And really I still don't fully know. But I guess now that I have this more personal connection it really hits home a lot more than it did before. A little over a year ago we had a scare where we thought he was going to have to go back. I cannot even describe to you the fear, and anxiety and total helplessness that I felt. And I didn't even have to send him away. It was just the thought of it. And it still scares me, because I don't think I would be strong enough for that. So I say a sincere thank you to the families, and especially to Brigham's family for letting him go, and for being such a support to him. And that's why I got teary eyed at work today, and at lunch... and driving home... and taking care of the dogs.

This is Brig's platoon in Afghanistan. This was his family. This is also something that we will never be able to comprehend. Something that no one will ever know unless they did it. And I'm a little bit glad I can't because it would probably make me cry even more! Brig was promoted to the rank of Corporal, which meant he got to be a team leader in charge of 4-5 guys. That means responsible for their social lives in the U.S., responsible for their training, and responsible for their lives. Again this is something that we can in a small way begin to imagine, the pressure and sense of obligation... But we really don't know. And even though I've talked with him about it a lot, I really wont ever know; What it's like to have that kind of responsibility. Like I said, this was his family. And he cared for them like he would his family. I think that's one thing that a lot of people don't really realize. You see it in the movies, but you don't really know that it's real. I didn't. That any one of these men would have died for each other. And some of them did. At least two of the men, that I know of, in that photograph gave their lives. And saying they were Brigham's really good friends doesn't do the relationship justice. I didn't know that before. I couldn't comprehend it, and like I said before I think I still can't really. They were his family. One of them even died in his arms when they were under fire. Brig was trying to save him.
Now, I have to interject that it's a good thing he never looks at this blog, because if he did, he would probably be furious with me for posting all this. Not because it's some secret, or he has a hard time talking about it, but because he would never want people to think of him as some kind of hero, or to think that he was anything special. I know he is though. And I am so proud to be married to someone like him. So don't call him and tell him he needs to look at this, because he really will be mad at me! But from what he's told me, any one of the men that he served with would have been the same way. Not taking credit, not wanting attention. Just doing it because they believe in freedom, and justice, and right.

So I have to say a special thank you to the wives and children of Gabriel Guzman and James Nolan, and any other families who have sacrificed their husbands, brothers, sons, uncles, and grandsons for the sake of this nation. We are forever in your debt. I don't know what that's like. The thought of it is unbearable. Hopefully none of us will ever have to know that.

I think I've gotten enough out now that I wont cry anymore. Maybe. Actually, I think that's wishful thinking. Sometimes when I look at these pictures I try and imagine being there. And I can't. And maybe its that way for a reason. I wish I could know, to truly be able to empathize. But I know its not a bad thing that I don't know. I know that as long as I'm standing by our soldiers and knowing that I am and will forever be eternally indebted to them is where I'm supposed to be. I hope that those who don't know that will figure it out. Nothing makes my insides boil as much as ignorant people who don't appreciate our country and the freedoms that they enjoy. But maybe I should save that for another post, or we'll be here all night!

I know I probably haven't written everything it is that I wanted to say. I don't think that there is any way I could possibly put into words the fullness of what I feel when I think about this. I just want to say that I am SO grateful. And I know that we say that a lot, and I think when we say it, other people really don't understand just how grateful we really are. But I want it on record that I am truly, whole-heartedly, and eternally grateful. I know that our Heavenly Father directs us to where we are supposed to be. I know that Brigham was supposed to join the Army and that he was supposed to go to Afghanistan, and I know that his service to those men and to our country is something truly magnificent, and something that I will never fully be able to comprehend. I know that I met and married him for a reason, and that part of that was so that I could be more humble. Our Father in Heaven works in mysterious ways, and I think that a lot of the time, our testimonies are lives strengthened through the experiences of others. And I know that my life has been changed and grown in so many ways because of Brigham and his experiences. Ways that could never have happened with anyone else. And for that I am also grateful.

And doesn't he look so hot in his uniform?! (And so serious too, haha). I love you Corporal Crane, more than you will ever know. I am honored and forever grateful to be your eternal companion, and so thankful for the things that you have taught me. I know that Heavenly Father knew that I would need you, and sent you home safely for that purpose. Because my life would not be complete without you.
And now I'm crying again, so I better cut this off. Until next year! ;)